Influence Others by Letting Go of Having to Be Right with Bob Burg
On today’s episode of Just the Tips, Dean and I welcome someone who has written extensively and authoritatively on the use of influence and persuasion. Bob Burg is the co-author of the Go-Giver, a book that has sold more than 700,000 copies and has become hugely—pardon the pun—influential. On this week’s episode, we talk about what it really means to influence others, how doing so requires you to master your emotions, and Bob’s five secrets for gaining influence. His philosophy is about more than business success, it’s about becoming a better person. It’s really wall-to-wall with tips this week, so you don’t want to miss this one.
Nobody every bragged about having a lot of “push”
We got going right away with Bob, diving into what “influence” actually means. And Bob talked about the need to have pull, to actually pull someone toward you or along with what you’re doing, rather than pushing yourself onto someone. And to do that, you have to bring value, and see how what you’re asking someone to do aligns with their values. And as Bob says, if we ask ourselves these questions genuinely and truthfully, we get a lot closer to collaborating with others and influencing them in a genuine way, rather than trying to get them to comply with our values. Bob is full of distilled wisdom on this week’s episode, and you gotta hear him get on a roll.
Let go of having to be right
It probably comes as no shock to any of our listeners that we live in a time where people are divided along cultural and political lines. We talked with Bob about why that is, why people are accusatory and insulting toward each other, rather than trying to influence and come together with people from “the other side.” And so much of what he said was right on: It’s simply easier to demonize those who disagree with us, and actually getting those people into our world requires we first go into theirs, understand where they’re coming from, and show where there’s common ground. As Bob says, you have to let go having to be right, of the feeling that you always have to be right, and instead go into “learner mode.” It’s a really fascinating conversation and one you’ll want to hear on this week’s Just the Tips.
The secrets to influencing others
Bob has a number of “secrets” to influencing others that are all outlined in his books, but he was generous enough to share them with us on this week’s episode. The first is to master your emotions, which Bob points out doesn’t mean suppressing or ignoring your emotions. It just means being in control of them so you’re able to keep a level head when someone is pushing your buttons. Bob also has a great technique for mastering your emotions. It’s all about imagining the feeling you’ll have after handling an emotional situation well. It’s best to hear him explain it, but it’s a really eye- and mind-opening way of improving your emotional mastery.
Reset the frame
Once you’ve become adept at harnessing your emotions, you have to be able to reset the frame, so that it’s no longer a negative thing. You’re positively connecting with someone. It really is some Jedi-level mind tricks that you’re pulling, but with all good intentions: to connect better with people. There are two more secrets that you’re going to have to listen to the episode to hear, but trust us, this is one episode of Just the Tips that you have to hear.
Outline of This Episode
- [3:51] What is influence?
- [8:11] Why are we naturally adversarial?
- [15:34] How Bob got involved in influence
- [18:28] The secrets to influencing others
- [20:30] How to master your emotions
- [29:21] Reset the frame
- [32:45] How being influential means you can be influenced as well
Resources & People Mentioned
Music for “Just The Tips” is titled, “Happy Happy Game Show” by Kevin MacLeod (http://incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
